My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
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