And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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