You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
