Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
