So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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