So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
ttyl tear gas
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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