You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
