I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
