dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
