As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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