You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
