I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
