I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
