Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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