It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
