If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
