I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Im part way to drunk.
Sorry about my life...
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Randomize
