WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Randomize
