You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
We had to coat check the pizza.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
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