I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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