I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
How's work?
Spinning.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
