After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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