it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
