I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
