She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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