Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
