for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
