I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
My breasts were aching with rage.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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