I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
