i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
