dude i'm inner monologue high
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Randomize
