ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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