Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
