You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Randomize
