Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
