i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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