I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
