five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
i now understand why vodka
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