last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize
