My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
