it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
