Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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