is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
