i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Randomize
