It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
