can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
