Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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