nut hugger
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
