Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
