Dignity is for republicans.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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