I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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