I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
