her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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