The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
We need to rekindle our bromance
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
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