definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
